Wednesday, April 8, 2015

And That's How I Know God Never Gives Up

Her text messages always set my pulse to racing. Those innocent, simple questions from my girl. "Can you come visit today?"
I panic when I realize I don't have the car, I don't really even have gas money. All I have is a heart full of ache and loss and a desperate need to make up for lost time. Time that was stolen from us. US.


 I remember when the doctor said "It's a girl!" The first car ride home...she was sooo tiny in that giant car seat...
I thanked God for an answer to prayer...another child at last! A beautiful girl! Giggles and bows and butterflies. The muddy messes she made while helping me garden...

I'll never forget when she left. So much pain in her young life. A broken home. You never think it's going to happen to you. Fourteen years of trying to be a grown up.

A few months of trying to carry the weight of the world, and then an offer to go visit friends in another state.  Her dad came back to her area (from across the country), she moved in with him and she never came back. She was supposed to come back in 2 months...for Christmas. The judge said she was already out of state, his hands were tied. My bank account was empty. Always I dreamed. I checked the email. I NEVER, and I mean never, was without my phone...just in case.

Once she called me while I was working. I stopped everything and listened to her sobs on the other end. I wanted to hold her close. I announced to my boss that I had to go...NOW. He understood. I drove all day and half the night to get to my girl. I asked her to come back with me but she was convinced she needed to stay. So many reasons. So much love she needed to earn from her dad. So many new little siblings at his house to shelter. She always was a giver. My heart broke again.

Four years later, I was remarried...for 2 weeks. I got a text message. Can you email me? Can you call me? She was almost 19 and was moving out.  Moving closer to me. I can't even describe the joy or relief I felt!

Married now to a Christian young man. And we are reaching out to each other. Clinging to old memories to hold us up until we have made enough new ones to sustain us. We love deeply. We hurt still. We don't understand everything that happened.

I see the woman who has emerged. So beautiful in spirit. So strong...caring. I can't look at her smile long enough or hear her voice enough times. When she sings with her husband it sounds like angels...and I cry.

This mother heart never gave up, Never stopped loving and will always reach out to my children.

What a miracle to have her so much closer. Even on days like today, when I cannot drive to her. We will make up the time in some way. God, who loves us both more than I can comprehend,...He will restore what the enemy tried to steal. Our hearts are bonded.

I pray for them all everyday. My children are the treasure from the ashes. I never stopped praying. Daily. ALWAYS will. It's a mother's joy.

Thank you, dear Father, for this Love that breaks us, bends us and shapes us. Even when it hurts. It's only a tiny glimpse of what you feel for us, your children. How amazing!! Eternal, unconditional, all encompassing love. You wait for our call. You long to be with us every day.




2 comments:

  1. What a beautiful, heartfelt, authentic sharing from your heart. I hear the love, feel the pain of the ache. More will be revealed. Healing comes as a process - one step at a time. Even though the scars remain, the wounds heal in time. Grateful for the access we have to the Beloved through prayers offered up. One of the hardest concepts to bear is that "Our children are on their own spiritual journey, and we are not invited." They belong to Father God and he is guiding their every step. As you said, we are here to offer our love and support at all times....and that is our gift (along with our prayers). Love you, Deb!

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    1. Thank you, Amy! Yes, watching them go on their own journey's is so hard. But I love seeing them grow and come to realize how much I love them. :-) Thank you for reading and for the comment! <3

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